A Guide To Discernment Counseling And Its Benefits

Are you finding yourself at a pivotal moment in your relationship, uncertain about whether to continue or call it quits? Discernment counseling could be the solution you need. This modern therapy method is tailored for couples on the verge of separation, offering a path to understanding and resolution. In this article, we'll delve into the essence of discernment counseling, its process, and the advantages it brings to couples facing relationship turmoil.

Introducing Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is a way for couples to carefully think about what to do next in their relationship. It's a short-term process, usually done in five sessions or less, where couples spend two hours at a time talking things out. Unlike regular therapy, the aim isn't to fix the relationship right away. Instead, it's about figuring out if they want to work on it together.

During discernment counseling sessions, couples work with a trained therapist to explore their relationship dynamics, identify key issues, and consider all possible options - including reconciliation, separation, or divorce. The goal of discernment counseling is not necessarily to save the relationship, but rather to help gain insight into the common challenges faced in relationship patterns and make a thoughtful, informed decision about how to move forward.

How Does Discernment Counseling Work?

Discernment counseling typically involves a series of one-on-one sessions with the therapist, as well as joint sessions with both partners. In the one-on-one sessions, each partner has the opportunity to explore their thoughts and feelings about the relationship in a safe, confidential space. This can be particularly helpful for partners who may feel hesitant or uncomfortable expressing their true feelings in front of their significant other. During these sessions, the couple attends together but spends a significant portion in one-on-one discussions with the counselor.

Initially, the couple jointly addresses four key questions in the first session:

• What events led to the current situation?
• What attempts have been made to resolve issues?
• How do children influence the decision-making process?
• What are cherished memories from the relationship?

Following this, the couple has separate discussions with the counselor, tackling tough questions such as their contributions to problems and their deal-breakers. At the session's end, they reconvene for a debriefing, deciding whether to continue or schedule another session.

Subsequent sessions focus on individual work, with the overarching question being if they have sufficient information to decide the relationship's course.

In the joint sessions, the therapist works with both partners to help them communicate more effectively, gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives, and explore potential paths forward. The therapist may also provide guidance and support as the couple considers their options and weighs the pros and cons of each possible decision.

While there are various entry points to discernment counseling, the likely outcomes include committing to couples therapy, moving towards separation, or maintaining the status quo. While choosing to maintain the status quo may seem indecisive, counselors understand that sometimes more time is needed. They can assist in structuring this time to facilitate a decision.

Benefits of Discernment Counseling

One of the key benefits of discernment counseling is that it can provide couples with a sense of clarity and direction during a tumultuous and uncertain time in their relationship. By helping partners gain insight into their relationship patterns and dynamics, discernment counseling can empower couples to make more informed decisions about their future - whether that means working towards reconciliation, preparing for a divorce, or separating amicably. 

Another benefit of discernment counseling is that it can help couples avoid making impulsive or regrettable decisions about their relationship. By taking the time to explore their options, consider all possible outcomes, and reflect on their feelings and needs, couples can make a decision that is grounded in thoughtfulness and self-awareness, rather than driven by fear, anger, or resentment.

Discernment Counseling And Couples Therapy: What's The Difference?

One big difference between discernment counseling and regular couples therapy is why people go there in the first place. In couples therapy or marriage counseling, both partners usually want to make their relationship better. But in discernment counseling, one person might be thinking about ending the relationship. This affects how the sessions are set up. Couples therapy can go on for as long as needed and focuses on improving how partners talk and trust each other, kind of like a way to prevent bigger problems later on. On the other hand, discernment counseling is about making a choice, not about fixing things. It usually lasts for five sessions or less. This shorter time frame can be good for someone thinking about leaving, as they aren't committing to ongoing therapy.

Another difference is privacy. In discernment counseling, the counselor can keep secrets if it helps the decision to stay. This means the counselor can have private talks with each person. But in regular counseling, everything is usually out in the open. The goal of marriage counseling is to heal the relationship through honest communication. If there's no honesty, it's hard to make progress.

When To Go for Discernment Counseling

People often try discernment counseling when one partner wants to save the relationship, but the other isn't sure. It doesn't matter if they're engaged, married with kids, or anything else. The point is to help both people make a decision together.

Some couples have already tried regular counseling but hit a wall, while others start thinking about it after something big happens. They might stick with their current counselor but switch to discernment mode, or they could try someone new.

Conclusion

If you and your partner are struggling to make a decision about the future of your relationship, discernment counseling may be worth considering. This unique approach to therapy can provide you with the clarity, insight, and support you need to navigate this challenging time with confidence and self-assurance. By working with a trained therapist who specializes in discernment counseling, you can gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics, explore your options, and make a decision that is truly informed and authentic to your needs and values.

So why wait? Take the first step towards a more fulfilling and authentic relationship by exploring the benefits of discernment counseling today. Your future self will thank you for it.